I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
