So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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