when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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