I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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