I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
