Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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