Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
