Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
