Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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