I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
