What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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