New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
