M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize