after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
