I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
