It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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