Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
