I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
