i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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