She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
