Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found the puke drawer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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