batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize