DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
