Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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