At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
