My sheets look like a crime scene.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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