brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
