the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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