two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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