how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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