It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
