he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
