Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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