Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
