hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
