I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize