I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
