I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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