that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
