no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
