i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
and you fell through a lawn chair
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
