The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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