good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize