this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
