No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
