when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
