I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
