Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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