you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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