My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
