I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
