what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
