Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
