i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping