he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands