were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.