i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.