Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right