Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."