I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.