He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
