if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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