1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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