The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
send nudes
from the living room?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
