Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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