dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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